Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Humor: Twins

Humor: Parenting

Humor: Nuns

Facebook Humor

Humor: Parenting

Humor: Doctors Going to Church

On Monday morning, after a three day weekend, a group of medical professionals were sitting around discussing religion. Many of the professionals had attended church with their spouses, one of the few times a year they attend mass. When asked how church went, they replied as follows:

Podiatrist: “I felt like a heel. I hadn’t been in church since last Easter and I thought the mass was corny.”

Psychiatrist: “The little blue pill, medium white pill combination kept me from screaming ‘hurry up, we’re having ham!’”

Gynecologist: “Many women claim to be virgins. It’s simply not possible to be a virgin mother. Trust me, I’ve seen it all.”

Proctologist: “My wife was a pain in the ass, I told her I wasn’t up for it.”

Medical Examiner: “Lacerations to the chest, puncture wounds on both palms and feet, superficial cuts on the head.”

Dentist: “A few hits of laughing gas and I was on my way.”

Optomotrist: “I-N-R-I”.

Orthopedist: “The benches were not ergonomically designed.”

Chiropractor: “The whole idea of going to church cracked me up. When I go to church I feel out of place.”

Orthodontist: “I braced myself when I walked in the door”.

Humor: WHY?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the man who invests all your money, called a broker?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food? There is fish flavored!
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address,
you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes,
why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment,
but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? ?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Isn't Disney World a people trap run by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
What's another word for synonym?
So what's the speed of dark?
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding,
what is it expanding into?
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
Why is it that in the US:
If you take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing an Uzi,
terrified citizens will phone the police and report: "There's a naked person outside!"